Tuesday, April 24, 2007

My Growing Addiction

I came to a rude awakening after posting my last blog entry yesterday morning, and this is my confession: I am a Site Meter junkie. Not a blogging junkie. A Site Meter junkie. I used to blog for the love of blogging. Now I blog to support my Site Meter habit. I post a blog entry then quickly check my Site Meter page to see how many tens of people visit my site. It's pretty pathetic, a desperate plea for attention and validation: Please read my vapid, unoriginal blathering. Please stroke my bruised ego. And if you'd like, you can even leave a comment! Oooo! Oooo! A visitor from New Delhi! Where the hell is New Delhi? It's in India, you idiot. I knew I should have paid attention in geography class. Maybe that Blogger Buzz article on blogging in Hindi isn't such a stupid idea after all?

I'll then spend the rest of the day checking my Site Meter page, at five minute intervals. Please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please...A VISITOR...from...Ynysddu? Don't any freakin' english-speakers visit my blog? Wait, Ynysddu is in the UK. Even geography class wouldn't have helped me on that one.

It's getting pretty bad. On any given day, if it looks like I'm not going to meet the average number of visits, I break out into a cold sweat. I think, maybe I can boost the numbers. So I'll go back to my latest post and publish it a hundred more times, the equivalent of pushing the elevator button repeatedly in an effort to get it to arrive faster. Does it work? Probably not, but at least I'm trying to do something about it! Pretty soon I'll be tiptoeing to my computer in the middle of the night, not to sneak in some porn like other demented dads, but to see if I've had any visitors from the other side of the planet doing a google search on "fathers tormenting children". I think I need help. Anywho, gotta get this thing posted. I think you know why.


A Musing Mom said...

Okay, now I really want to just keep coming back to your blog and make your site meter spin. But then you'll look at the location and see Naperville, Naperville, Naperville. And you'll know it's my next door neighbor, right? Not me. Cause I wouldn't do that. I don't have the time. I'm too busy watching my own site meter and wondering why the heck nobody ever comments on my blog.
And to save you from going to your Google map, Naperville is in English-speaking Chicagoland, home of tons of Illini fans. But you already knew that.

the battered ham said...

Thank you for enabling my addiction! I know Naperville well. And because you are such a good enabler, I will return the favor and give your Site Meter some attention as well. ENABLERS UNITE! (reminds me of "Dyslexics Untie!")

The Beast Mom said...

I'm glad my blog service has no way for me to stare at page hit counters. I get an email once a month w/ my total and that's it. When I blogged at MSN, I looked at the hit count a lot too. It was freaky at times to see how people found my blog. Made me want to not blog anymore at times. People do really freaky searches and end up in your nice little corner of the world. Gack.


the battered ham said...

Diane was going to tell me she thought I was addicted to Site Meter when she read this post. Then she just shrugged and thought, "Well, at least he knows." So she called off the intervention. Yippee!