Sunday, July 15, 2007

I Can See Clearly Now

Every once in a while, I have an epiphany. OK, every once in a GREAT while. I don't know whether it's because the stars are perfectly aligned or just something I ingested, but when it happens, I feel stupid because it seems as though what has been unveiled from my limited understanding is so obvious that I can't believe I didn't see it before.

Tonight I had an epiphany.

I was doing the dishes. But I don't think that had anything to do my epiphany. At least I hope not because I hate doing the dishes almost as much as I hate doing pinks. And I would hate to think that my epiphanies are directly linked to doing something I hate. That would suck. So I'm doing the dishes AND listening to Diane talk to her sister on the phone. I do like eavesdropping, so hopefully that's linked to my epiphanies, but probably not. I'm done trying to discover my epiphany trigger, I promise.

My sister-in-law is single and has a less than stellar track record in the relationship department, which really stinks because I believe that she's an amazing person. So while she was visiting last week, Diane decided she was going to hook her up on No more talking to guys in bars or receiving unwanted advances at the airport or the grocery store. This way she could at least investigate some relatively normal men and communicate with them before deciding to meet them. I guess she had thought about registering at eHarmony, but felt weird about filling out all of the questionnaires. Tired of her sister's lame excuses, Diane took action and decided to register for her. Talk about the blind leading the blind. What these two don't know about computers and the internet could fill a set of Collier's encyclopedias, God bless 'em. But where my wife lacks in computer knowledge, she makes up in initiative, and she set herself to the task of creating an eHarmony account for her beloved sis.

Since deciding to do this for her sister, Diane has been on the computer for TWO DAYS STRAIGHT. No, she's not stupid. It didn't take her that long to set up the account. She did give me a call at work last night to get help uploading a picture, but other than that, she did all the work herself. But now that she's set up the account, she's been checking out the guys that are "compatible" with Debbie, then calling her and scrolling through the list of possible suitors with her FOR HOURS. Before this dating service fiasco began, the longest Diane spent on ANY computer outside of work is TEN MINUTES, usually to read my lame blog to make sure I'm not libeling her or the girls.

So what happened? Enter my epiphany. Hello.

So I'm standing there washing my dishes and listening to these two women dish on the different guys that have been matched to Deb's account when I remembered something I heard several years ago about how to get women involved in something they're not naturally inclined toward. In this particular case, it was sports. It was just before the Super Bowl and there was a discussion on how to get your wife more interested in watching the game. For guys, there's bone-crushing hits, receivers going long, fast play, violence, cheerleaders...what's not to like? But since women tend to be more relationship-oriented, it was suggested that husbands should talk to their wives about the PLAYERS to get them more interested about the game. "See that guy? His name is Jim Kelly (like I said, I heard this years ago). He has a son with an extremely rare disease, so he spends much of his time in the off-season raising awareness and funds for research. That guy on the other team? He just cheated on his wife and left her with the kids. He deserves to get crushed." Blah, blah, blah. To a certain extent (in our case), it worked.

So what was the impetus for Diane's new interest in computers? RELATIONSHIPS! She went from a computer illiterate to a, well, slightly LESS computer illiterate because she wants to help get her sister a man! I've been trying to get Diane more interested in learning about computers for years! Little did I know that I would need to start a dating service to rouse her interest. Now I can't get her OFF the computer. I practically had to wrestle her out of the chair just so I could type this entry. OK that's not true, but earlier she JOKED that we would have to wrestle over computer time.

Wait. I think I just had another epiphany. I'm not sure how in love I am with the idea of my wife spending hours on the computer looking at other men "for her sister".

Epiphanies suck.


A Musing Mom said...

Okay, so what's the flip side of using the "relationship" hook? A Musing Dad is completely unable to hide his boredom at things I like to do. Any hints on how I make things more interesting to him so he stops being so dang reluctant to do what I want?

the battered ham said...

HA HA! I loved your question. My immediate thought, and Diane's first tongue-in-cheek suggestion, was "the promise of exposed cleavage", but that's really not all that helpful.

Make a little game out of your activities to appeal to his competitive side. Or make your activities a little more task-oriented. If you're going shopping, let him know what you're looking for so he can do a little hunting.

And if all else fails, you can always fall back on the promise that if he accompanies you to the ballet, the antique show, and the crocheting convention, you will make it very, VERY worth his while. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. We men can be bought.