How to Keep Your Kids in Bed

Kidding...please don't call DCFS. I went through my nightly bedtime routine last night, step one being to check in on the girls. I'll rearrange covers, locate and replace stray blankies and stuffed animals, and situate dangling appendages so the monsters don't snack on them. (I think I spent a year of my life breathing through an airhole arranged from my covers to keep from being eaten by monsters...I was always worried about my exposed lips.) Diane and I usually do this together, but last night I beat her to it.

I walked into Kailey's room to find her scarf tied to the top of the headboard. It was dark, so I couldn't see everything that was going on there. I thought, "Well, I'd better move that scarf. We can't have it wrapping around her neck and strangling her in her sleep." That's what all good dad's would think. So I grabbed the scarf to untie it and Kailey flinched. I jumped back to keep from waking her, and it wasn't until I took hold of the scarf again that I realized she tied it to her wrist. Why? I have absolutely no idea. You know, every parent wants to believe their children are brilliant, but there are some things that cause those beliefs to come crashing down.

I jumped back again, this time to stifle the laughter that came bursting forth as I scurried from the room to get Diane. "What in the world?" she laughed as she walked into the room. "Go get the camera!"

"The flash will wake her up," I protested.

"I don't care...it's too stinkin' funny! Besides, I'll probably wake her up when I untie her."

Kailey didn't wake up either time; didn't even stir. I showed her the picture this morning and asked her why she did it and she just shrugged her shoulders. Great. That's one more thing I have to worry about: my seven year-old developing a bondage fetish. Oh Dear Lord, help me.