The Master's Dealings with the General Public

One of the things I absolutely hate about my job is dealing with viewer calls. I should feel sorry for people who call television stations to complain about stupid crap, because they clearly don't have lives, but I don't. They are annoying and I would rather drink a bucket of monkey snot than deal with their stupidity. OK, maybe not, but you get my point.

People call in to see if their soaps are going to run in their entirety after the President gets done yapping, or to ask why their Favorite Show is a repeat today, or, the #1 phone call I get, why in the name of the Good Lord above are we broadcasting our programming in Spanish. Here in southern AZ, this is a major-league hot topic as the immigration debate sizzles on. Tucsonans are pissed enough to have to "Dial 1 for English". Can you imagine their ire when they tune in to their FAVORITE PRIME TIME PROGRAM and hear, "Oy Dios Mio! Mi lapiz es amarillo!" Let me just say they're not happy campers. 99.9% of the time, the issue is with the audio settings on their TV, and I walk them through it as best I can. I once spent fifteen minutes going 'round and 'round with a woman who was adamant it was NOT her audio settings. "Ma'am," I tried to explain, "I'm listening to the program on our Cox Cable feed and it's in English."

"Well, I'M hearing it in Spanish," she countered.

"If you would at least CHECK the audio settings on your TV..."

"It's NOT my TV," she interrupted. "I haven't TOUCHED my TV. Maybe I should call Cox Cable and see if THEY'RE having a problem."

"That's a great idea, Ma'am. Why don't you do that." Click. Problem from my end? Solved.

What annoys me the most about these calls is that I shouldn't receive half of them. These are the nut jobs who are transferred to me because no one else at the station has the balls to deal with them. Last week I was transferred a call from a viewer who "couldn't figure out our prime time schedule." He was confused because there was no continuity to it and he was missing shows because they weren't airing at the same time from week to week. My solution? Pick up a TV Guide!! They have them right there at the checkout counter of your local grocer, and, hell, they're even FREE in your local paper!

My all time favorite happened last Friday night. We were in the 5p newscast when the phone rang. I answered it and was immediately sorry that I had.

"Ummm, yeah..." Whenever the person on the other end of the line starts our little conversation with "Um, yeah", it's going to be bad. "You just aired a commercial for [such and such a place], and I noticed in the first few seconds of the commercial there's graffiti across the man's shirt, and since your station has been doing a series on graffiti, I was wondering what the significance of that was."

Silence.

Followed by uproarious laughter. I know it's not polite to laugh in someone's face, or in this case, ear, but I couldn't help it. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, I wanted to scream. Instead I laughed, "Sir, I haven't the slightest idea."

"Well then why did you air it?"

"Because the business, [such and such a place], PAID us to. That's how we make our money. Businesses pay us to air their commercials."

"Well, how am I going to figure out the significance of that graffiti?"

The significance, sir, is that you have deciphered the code from the Mother Ship, and they will be landing soon to claim you as their new leader.

"I guess you'll just have to call [such and such a place]." I figured I had done my part and that it was now my turn to start passing the buck.

"I don't think they're open until the weekend, are they?"

"I don't know, sir, you'll have to give them a call. Thank you." Click.

I then set out on a headhunting expedition for the spineless jerk who transferred that call to me.

I am SOOO asking for a raise.

Game Day II...The Mouth Heard 'Round the World

You know how at every kids sporting event there seems to be some obnoxious, loud-mouthed a-hole that spends the whole game razzing the officials and blurting out rude comments to no one's delight but his own? Yeah, well that guy has a daughter on Kailey's softball team. And remember when I wrote about how nice and refreshing it was to have all of the parents cheering for all of the kids? I spoke too soon. That utopian ideal of unbiased parental support during children's sporting events has been shot straight to hell.

Kailey's game was Monday night. It was a cold, cloudy, windy, miserable night for softball, so nobody was in a particularly good mood to begin with. Then Mouth began his taunting. First, it was directed at the umpire, who had made a couple of bad calls, calling balls strikes. But understand, being an umpire in an 8 and Under softball league has to be the most BORING job in the world. The girls pitch until they've thrown four balls, then the coach takes over. As you can imagine, probably fewer than 10% of the balls pitched by the girls are strikes. If you're an ump, you're probably going to make a couple of questionable calls out of sheer boredom. I'm not saying that it's right...I'm just saying.

So loud-mouth dad, who, incidentally, is always decked out in St. Louis Cardinal's attire which further draws my ire as a Cub fan, starts in on the ump. At first he drew a few snickers from the parents, but as he continued, an awkward silence descended on the crowd. Then, it got worse the next inning as his daughter took the mound. He turned his taunting from the umpire to THE EIGHT YEAR-OLD GIRLS ON THE OTHER TEAM!! When one of the girls would strike out, he'd yell, "RING 'ER UP!" I was mortified and getting really pissed off. Finally, his wife, bless her heart, turned around and laid into him for being a complete ass. He had a couple of things to say back to her, but eventually relented. I swear I heard a mental cheer erupt from the parents.

I just don't understand people like this. Did he think he was funny? Did he have a few too many at the local pub before heading to the game? Or is he just the world's biggest jerk? I don't know. But what I do know is that his behavior is horribly inappropriate at this age level, hell, at ANY age level. It teaches young kids that it's OK and even expected to disrespect game officials and to ridicule your opponent. So much for sportsmanship.

I can understand the competitive spirit. I played organized sports through high school, college and beyond. I've experienced the thrill of getting the game-winning hit, of hitting the jumper in the face of a trash-talking opponent, and of gunning down the runner at the plate. I get it. There's no feeling in the world like it. But I believe that healthy competition should build people up rather than tear down. When my opponent robs me of a base hit with an amazing diving catch, or drains a three-pointer with my hand in his face, he deserves praise for a great performance regardless of the color of his jersey. It just seems that tearing down your opponent has become an ugly part of competition in our present day society, and I hate it.

Jumping down off my soapbox and into more important news, Kailey had a great game in a 3-2 Blue Balls Bandit loss. She went 1 for 1 at the plate with a run scored. She also had two plays on the field, one from third base and one from shortstop, where she cleanly fielded the ball and made strong throws to first. The runners were safe on both occasions, but that's typical at this level: anything hit left of second base is going to be a hit. Most importantly, she didn't freeze to death during the game.

The Blue Balls play next on Saturday and we'll see if obnoxious dad can keep his trap shut. My money is on no.

Losing My Faith in Humanity

Or perhaps I should say "lost", because people can really suck sometimes. Diane called me at work tonight at the tail end of the 5:00 newscast. I told her I'd call her back, wondering what would make her call me when she knew I was in a newscast. When I called her back twenty minutes later, after getting sidetracked by a couple of projects, I found out. "I think I lost my debit card," she confessed. Not good. She used it to buy coffee on her way into work this morning, and when she went to retrieve it sometime this afternoon, she couldn't find it. I told her I'd look into it and hung up. I was upset, but I also knew my getting mad wasn't going to help the situation, so I kept my mouth shut.

I logged on to our banking website to check on recent/pending transactions and found a mysterious one from today for $18.77. No merchant was listed, only an address. I wrote down the address and called Diane back, and she confirmed once again that the only money she spent today was the few dollars for coffee. At least it was Starbucks. I put on my detective hat, the Sherlock Holmes one where you can't figure out which side is the front and which is the back, and did a reverse address search online. The $18.77 had been spent at a Safeway grocery store on the other side of Tucson, a store that neither Diane or I have ever stepped foot in. Great. Then I called the bank and cancelled our debit cards. WTF!!!

Diane doesn't know if she left her card at Starbuck's or if it fell out of her wallet, but that doesn't matter to me. Mistakes happen. I know because I'm the King of them. But what's happened to human freakin' dignity? When did ours become such an opportunistic society, where people think they have the right to take advantage of others' misfortune? Just because I see a debit card lying on the ground doesn't give me free reign to a shopping spree! And it really pisses me off! Right now the damage is only $18.77, but I can guaran-frickin-tee the total will go up tomorrow when merchants have had a day to post their transactions. That's when the real damage will be done. I'm sure we won't be liable for all of it since I canceled the card in a timely manner (I hope), but that's not the point. These jerks will probably get off scot-free, and that pisses me off, too! I could rant on and on, but I'm going to stop here before I break a blood vessel in my head and seize right here on the floor.

I just wish people didn't suck so often.

American Airlines...The Final Chapter

It's over. And while I'm not completely satisfied with the results, I'm quitting while I'm ahead. Barely. Last Thursday I received the "additional" mystery voucher from American Airlines...the offer that was to make everything better. The offer that was to make amends for having to write four letters of complaint to rectify the situation. The offer that was to restore my faith in American Airlines and the whole airline industry. Now I know why John Madden rides a bus. I mean, besides that fact that he's terrified of flying.

I opened the envelope to find a three-page carbon copy form bound by a perforated edge on the left side and the American Airlines logo emblazoned in big bold type across the top. The bottom part of the page held a note: "I'm so sorry for your disappointing experience. Please accept this transportation voucher as tangible evidence of our regret and concern. (Hmmm...I've heard this somewhere before.) I hope you will use it to travel with us again soon." I opened the form to the second page and scanned it for numbers. I found the box entitled "Numerical Value" and my eyes locked in: $200.

I was disappointed...again. If $200 had been their initial offer after my original complaint, I would have gladly taken it. But $200 after all the crap I had to go through seems low. I was hoping for $300, but I'm going to settle for 2. Oh, and they let me keep those 5000 frequent flier miles. Can't forget about that!

The last step was a letter to AA President/CEO, Gerard Arpey, documenting my experience and encouraging him to look at their Customer Relations department. It may be excessive, but, hey, they gave me his name and address. Some excerpts:

I am writing to you today to direct your attention to what I believe is becoming a growing epidemic within the airline industry: poor customer service. American Airlines has always been my first choice in air transportation, and, while I may not be a business customer, I have been a faithful recreational customer, using your airline on average of two times a year. This is soon to change...

...I think that it is utterly ridiculous for me to have to write a letter to the President and CEO of a major corporation over a customer service issue. But quite frankly, these days the whole airline industry seems to be full of customer service issues, and I, for one, believe it is unacceptable. It needs to change. Ms. Scott writes, “Also, you may write to Mr. Arpey at the address below. However, he has delegated the responsibility of responding to customer concerns to our Customer Relations personnel. In turn, we keep him well-informed about customer issues. This designation allows Mr. Arpey and other senior management to devote their energies and attention the daily operation of our airline.”

While I wholeheartedly agree with the principal of delegation, I also believe that when delegated responsibility breaks down, it’s time to draw in the reigns. The airline industry is a customer service industry, and as such, your customers need to be your top priority in the daily operation of your airline. Mr. Arpey, I am not an opportunist and was not looking to “stick it” to American Airlines. I am a hard-working man who spent a lot of money on an airline ticket, only to end up sharing that expensive seat. I simply wanted reasonable compensation, and the process of receiving that compensation was too drawn out and difficult as I dealt with Customer Relations agents who were more eager to dismiss me than to take an honest look at my situation.

I am including in this letter all of my correspondence followed by each reply from your Customer Relations agents to show you exactly what I had to go through in order to seek compensation. It saddens me that I had to become a “jerk” before your Customer Relations agents would take me seriously. I hope that you would investigate and address this issue so that no other AA customer would have to go through the same grueling process that I experienced.

Game over. I'm done. I don't expect anything else from American Airlines. Some people might think all of this is overkill, but I don't agree. I'm proud of the fact that I took a stand against something that was wrong, and hopefully will have an impact on how customers are dealt with in the future.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Feeling Like a Fool

I walked into the men's room at work to find the solitary urinal occupied by one of the account executives who works upstairs. We've seen each other on occasion and have exchanged pleasantries, but that's about the extent of our relationship. I gave him a "How goes?" (no pun intended) and made my way to one of the stalls, not expecting a reply.

"So, do you think I need to stop at the store to pick up something for dinner?" he asked, still facing the wall.

I stopped dead in my tracks and did a quick scan of the men's room. No one else was there. I looked back at him...one hand rested on his hip while the other, well, you know, WASN'T holding a cell phone, so I decided he must be talking to me. "Ummm, I don't know...I guess it depends on what you want," I offered, a little unnerved and still unsure of why in the world he would ask me such a question.

He wasn't talking to me. He turned his head toward me (his body was still engaged) to reveal a wireless Bluetooth receiver in his left ear. Darn you, modern technology! Dude was apparently making dinner plans with wifey-poo while taking a leak. Talk about multitasking. He shot me a quick grin then turned back to continue his conversation and finish the job. I felt like a big dork (pun again not intended), and walked swiftly into the nearest stall where I conducted my business while waiting patiently for him to exit the men's room.

Thank goodness I don't see him that often, but I'm not going to avoid him. Next time I see him I'm going to ask him what they had for dinner. He'll probably have no idea of what I'm talking about and I'll look like a dork again...what's new.

Could the End Be Near?

No, I'm not talking about the end of the world, although, given the current state of world affairs, it's not out of the realm of possibility. I'm talking about my month-long tug-of-war with American Airlines. I know, I know...believe me, I'm tired of the whole ordeal as well. But I may finally be getting somewhere with these people, and my tenacity may soon pay off. I received their fifth response yesterday afternoon, by far their most informative and contrite response yet. Why they couldn't start here remains a mystery:

"I'm sorry that you've had to send us 6 separate occasions about the same issue. Nevertheless, I'm glad you've given us another chance to try to provide you with a satisfactory answer to your inquiry.

There is an element of sensitivity to the issue at hand. Here is our policy -- regarding the physicality of occupying the seat, if a passenger "spills" over into another passenger's seat, the flight attendant and/or gate personnel should address the situation. At that time, we can require an obese/oversize passenger to purchase a first class seat or two main cabin seats, or deny their accommodation on that flight.

Again, however, each situation is assessed on an individual basis. I'm sorry that this situation was not handled to your satisfaction at the time of the event. While we can't change what happened, I've alerted our Vice President of Flight Service.

Our flight service staff will be reminded of the importance of being aware of such situations and to do their best to resolve it.

In another attempt to make amends, I've sent you an additional transportation voucher. Please use the vouchers to travel with us again soon."

So basically the check is in the mail. I'll have to wait and see if the vouchers are worth it. Hopefully, they will at least cover a trip to Chicago, and if they don't, I'll just eat it because I'm tired. I've said all that I can say to them. If they don't get it now, they never will. Why is it that I had to be a complete jerk in order to get them to listen to me? I hate that.

I have one thing left to do. I have written a letter to American Airlines CEO and President, Gerard J. Arpey, that now needs to be revised due to the recent response from Customer Relations. I think his "Customer Relations" department needs a little bit of a shakedown.


Related Links:
I Am Not a Happy Camper
A REALLY Unhappy Camper
American Airlines...Doing What They Do Best...Irritate Customers

American Airlines...Doing What They Do Best...Irritate Customers

It's official. There's just no way around it...American Airlines continues to frustrate me, and I am at my wit's end. I received their latest response to my THIRD letter of complaint last week. It took me a whole week to stir up the energy to compose letter FOUR. This response came from a customer relations supervisor and she's moving in the right direction, but in my opinion, it's too little, too late.

We've received your most recent communication and I understand that a resolution was not accomplished. Because we, too, remain dissatisfied when we can't reach an agreement with a customer, we follow a practice of turning such matters over to a supervisor -- in this case, me -- to see if an exception can be made. I've reviewed the entire situation in great detail and it gives me no pleasure to inform you that this fresh look has confirmed the original decision to deny your request for a $250 transportation voucher. I am sorry. However, I am happy to address your additional concerns.

Our seats are standard in size and are designed to comfortably accommodate our customers. Of course, our customers do come in all shapes and sizes. If we are aware that customers are too large to sit in a coach seat, we do what we can to avoid an awkward and uncomfortable situation -- for everyone concerned. Additionally, our seats widths are listed on AA.com. If a customer feels they would be more comfortable with two seats, we do offer this option to them. Unfortunately, we aren't always successful in preventing the kind of inconvenience you described and I am genuinely sorry that the comfort of your flight was diminished as a result.

I can understand your decision not to say anything. However, this is not a situation which would warrant a transportation voucher in the amount your requested. Nevertheless, I can understand how you must have felt while aboard and again, I am sorry you were uncomfortable. Therefore, I am willing to exchange the bonus miles you received for a $100 transportation voucher instead. Just let me know if you would prefer this option. Like AAdvantage miles, a transportation voucher may be used toward the purchase of a ticket on American or American Eagle. However, the voucher is valid for 12 months only.

Also, you may locate information regarding what you should expect when traveling with American Airlines and our related responsibilities on AA.com.

- Visit http://www.aa.com to view our home page
- From the menu listing on the left, place your cursor over 'About Us'
- From the sub-menu, select Customer Commitment and click on the Conditions of Carriage link

Also, you may write to Mr. Arpey at the address below. However, he has delegated the responsibility of responding to customer concerns to our Customer Relations personnel. In turn, we keep him well-informed about customer issues. This designation allows Mr. Arpey and other senior management to devote their energies and attention the daily operation of our airline.

Gerard J. Arpey, President and CEO
American Airlines
PO Box 619616
DFW Airport, TX 75261-9616

Please feel free to drop Mr. Arpey a line on my behalf. They won't even let me keep the miles; I have to exchange them for the voucher. And just what situation would have warranted a reasonable voucher? Did I need to be smothered before they take appropriate action? It's utterly ridiculous. Here is my response:

You people are not experts in customer service. You are experts in wearing people out. WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THIS SITUATION? I PAID $700 FOR A TICKET ONLY TO BE SAT UPON BY A MORBIDLY OBESE MAN FOR 3.5 HOURS. THE INTENSITY OF YOUR SORROW DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR ME. The fact remains that your people DID NOT DO THEIR JOB! Your “fresh look” into this situation seems to have “overlooked” this. You say that your policy is such that “if we are aware that customers are too large to sit in a coach seat, we do what we can to avoid an awkward and uncomfortable situation -- for everyone concerned.” Well, guess what. The ticket agents and the flight crew of flight 1002 did NOTHING to avoid an awkward and uncomfortable situation. Did your “fresh look” reveal the fact that a ticketing agent took one (1) ticket from a morbidly obese man? Did you discover in your “fresh look” that the flight attendant had to provide this man with a seatbelt extender, which should have clued her in to a potential problem? The fact of the matter is that your employees WERE aware of the situation and THEY DID NOTHING. They did nothing for him and they did nothing for me. And YOU continue to ignore and cover for their incompetence.

I’ve now had to write FOUR LETTERS TO YOU PEOPLE CONCERNING THIS SITUATION AND YOU STILL DON’T GET IT. My time and my money is precious to me and I’ve wasted both on American Airlines with your pathetic offers to make amends. You keep saying how sorry you are, but then refuse to compensate me in a reasonable manner. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions in rectifying this situation are insulting. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT YOU SCREWED UP. HOW CAN YOU NOT AGREE WITH THAT? HOW CAN YOU NOT AGREE WITH THE FACT THAT YOU LET A MAN WEIGHING AT LEAST 400 LBS. ON A PLANE WITHOUT MAKING THE PROPER ARRANGEMENTS TO ENSURE THAT ALL PASSENGERS WERE SEATED COMFORTABLY. THAT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, NOT MINE.

I do not believe a $250 voucher is an unreasonable request (by the way, your “great detail” of research failed to uncover my original request for a $292 voucher, the minimal cost of a round-trip ticket to Chicago as advertised on your website). I could have gotten off the plane that day to receive a $300 voucher, which you offered to three passengers that morning due to overbooking. I would have gladly given up my seat and taken a $300 voucher had I not been on my way to my grandfather’s funeral. How is it that you can give me a $300 voucher on the day that I fly, but can only give me $100 now? You intentionally overbook flights and compensate passengers who are inconvenienced by having to take a later flight. I did not have the luxury of waiting for a later flight, but I WAS NO LESS INCONVENIENCED.

Your website currently advertises one-way tickets from Tucson to Chicago departing on Feb. 20, March 20, or April 20 starting at $129. Your offer of $100 doesn’t even cover a one-way flight. I am not trying to take advantage of the situation; I just want to be compensated in a reasonable manner. A $100 voucher or 5000 frequent flier miles IS NOT reasonable. It’s insulting and my patience with you is gone. You have given me absolutely no reason to ever use your airline again. And I will go to great lengths to share about your mishandling of the situation to everyone and anyone who will listen.

I have compiled a detailed account of my experience and am sending a copy of it to Mr. Arpey. I’m not in the practice of running major corporations, but it seems to me that providing great customer service should be the most important factor in the daily operation of your airline. In your handling of this situation, you have failed miserably. If you have no passengers, you have no business. I think your CEO and senior management would do well to refocus some of their attention on the customer.

I'm really getting tired of all of this back and forth, but the only thing they excel at is in pissing me off. I should get a response from them again sometime next week where they'll piss me off again, and I'll tell them to go to hell and never fly American again. We'll see.

A REALLY Unhappy Camper

My saga with AMERICAN AIRLINES continues. In my last entry concerning this situation, I hesitated revealing the identity of this incompetent airline in order to give them one more opportunity to make things right. They failed miserably. Rather, they succeeded in pissing me off even more. Their response:

We received your most recent email, and I'm sorry you are upset with my response. The AAdvantage® miles were meant as a gesture of goodwill, and I regret we were unable to do more to prevent an uncomfortable flight. In the future, please know that you need to speak with one of our flight crew before travel begins, and give them a chance to correct the situation at that time.

Please allow me to take this additional opportunity to apologize, once again, for what happened. While we regret your continued dissatisfaction with our offer to make amends, we believe it is reasonable and appropriate. I'm not eager to disappoint you again but we don't agree that additional compensation is warranted.

You are a valued customer and we do appreciate your business. I hope you will try our service again soon.

Wow. They're all but guaranteeing that I NEVER try their service again. My rebuttal:

Allow me to make myself perfectly clear: I am not interested in your “gesture of goodwill”. I am interested in you rectifying a wrongful situation. You were NOT “unable…to prevent an uncomfortable flight”. You did NOTHING to prevent an uncomfortable flight. And to place the blame on me is incomprehensible. I could have spoken to the flight crew, but I CHOSE NOT TO INCONVENIENCE AN ENTIRE PLANELOAD OF PEOPLE. Your ticketing agent took exactly one (1) ticket from a man who was easily 400 lbs. It was blatantly obvious that there was no way he would be able to fit into a single seat AND SHE LET HIM ON AN ALREADY OVERBOOKED PLANE.

Surely your ticketing agents and flight crew are trained to identify situations that may slow the boarding process and to take action to help things move more smoothly. They provide elderly people with wheelchairs. They offer to check strollers for families with small children. Why then, is it not possible for your ticketing agent to take one look at a 400-pound man with a single ticket to think, “We may have a problem here”? Instead, you are telling me that because I didn’t complain about my situation, a situation that YOU should have dealt with before I even got on the plane, that you “can not” do anything to compensate me. That’s ridiculous.

I’m nearly done dealing with you…you’ve been less than helpful with your condescending and insulting responses that have not at all addressed the problem. Instead, you try to unilaterally pacify and dismiss me with your pathetic frequent flier miles. You will not dismiss me so easily. I want, IN WRITING, American Airlines’ policy on accommodating overweight passengers. I also want a name and e-mail address or phone number of one of your superiors. If you are unwilling to provide this information, I’m sure one of the news producers from [call letters of my television station], my employer, will be able to obtain it.

It really upsets me (an understatement) that they placed the blame on me for not raising a fuss on the plane. Believe me, I thought about it. But the plane was full and it was already late. I was seated in the back of the plane and I carried on my luggage. If I complained, the plane would have been delayed further while one of us got off the plane. I decided, as I stated earlier, not to inconvenience everyone on the plane, as well as not to further embarrass the large gentleman sitting next to me.

Thinking about this reminded me of an incident we witnessed the last time we flew on American back in October. The whole family was going to Disney World in Orlando, and I purchased our plane tickets and selected our seats online. We were in rows 14 and 15. When we went to travel, American changed the type of airplane, which disrupted several seating assignments. There was no row 7, and row 15, where Diane and Kyra ended up sitting, was the emergency exit row, which Kyra couldn't sit in.

The flight attendants' solution? Move the occupants of row 7 to row 15 and the occupants of row 15 to an empty row in the back of the plane. Diane was thrilled, as were the rest of the people of displaced row 15. One guy decided to voice his displeasure. "Why do we have to be the ones to move to the back of the plane? I booked my seats 6 months ago."

"Because this is the way we are doing it," the flight attendant quickly countered. "And if you continue to make a fuss about it, you will be escorted off the plane." The man and everyone around him were dumbfounded. Apparently the incompetance of American Airlines' customer service skills knows no bounds.

Now I can't say for sure, but I believe they would have treated any objection I may have raised about my seating arrangement in the same manner. They probably would have tossed me off the plane.

At this point I'm probably beating a dead horse and nothing I communicate to American Airlines will change their "squeaky wheel gets the grease" customer service policy. But if a squeaky wheel is what they want, a squeaky wheel is what they'll get.

I Am Not a Happy Camper

Two weeks ago, I traveled back to Illinois to attend my grandpa's funeral. I had to buy my plane ticket at the last minute and I paid nearly $700 for it. As I boarded the plane I found a man sitting in my seat. Normally this isn't too unusual. You simply point out the error and the person moves. This wasn't your normal case. In this case, the man was sitting in his seat AS WELL AS my seat. My heart dropped (I think my jaw might have as well). He was a very large fellow.

I indicated that the middle seat was mine and he let me into the row. I sat down, scootched as far to the right as I possibly could and braced myself. He slid in and scootched as far as he could to his left, and he still took up half of my seat. He was pressed up against me and practically sitting on me. It was more than a little awkward.

In a vain attempt to break the ice, he says, "Why do these flights always have to be full!" Like he's being inconvenienced.

A host of answers fill my mind. Well, first of all, this is a business, nimrod. They WANT their flights to be full. That's how they make their money. That's what I wanted to say, but I didn't. Instead, I merely countered, "It's Christmas." We didn't talk the rest of the flight.

The window seat was occupied by a ten year-old boy traveling alone. This was somewhat of a life-saver except for the fact that he was sick and spent the entire flight hacking up a lung. I could envision all of the spit particles infecting the entire plane with every cough and sneeze. I was the only filter. Just thinking about it makes me want to take a shower.

I should have gotten off the plane and filed a complaint, but I was on a schedule with the funeral and I didn't want to cause a ruckus on the plane. Instead, I decided to suck it up, make my trip to Illinois, and file a complaint with the airline upon my return, which I did. The airline will remain anonymous for now, depending on how this situation is resolved.

I filed the complaint where I explained that I shouldn't have to pay for a seat that I had to share and that the very least they could do is reimburse me or provide a voucher covering the leg of the flight to Chicago. This morning I received their reply:

Thanks for contacting Customer Relations. Our aim is not simply to provide transportation but to help our customers enjoy a pleasant and satisfying journey along the way. We are very sorry that your experience was disappointing, and I can appreciate how uncomfortable you were as a result of the situation you described.

As more tangible evidence of our concern, we've credited your [frequent flier] account with 5,000 bonus miles. This adjustment should be reflected in your account very soon. You can use the mileage in your account to claim travel awards. We are eager to have another chance to serve you.

In addition to our apology, please be assured that we have conscientiously followed through on your comments in an effort to share your feedback and, where possible, to improve our service. We are working hard to earn your satisfaction.

Wow. 5,000 whole bonus miles. That's worth, what, about $40? That's if you can actually ever use them. I have nearly 50,000 bonus miles, and I've never been able to redeem them on a flight. Needless to say, I was not happy. So I penned a response:

I am incredibly disappointed that you feel 5,000 bonus miles is “more tangible evidence of our concern”. My experience was not merely disappointing, it was unacceptable. I spent a 3 ½ flight with an armrest jammed into my right side and nearly the entire left side of my body pressed up against a complete stranger. I spent nearly $700 of my hard earned money for this experience. What you are offering me in return is roughly $40 in compensation that is extremely difficult to redeem in terms of airfare.

What is at issue here is [your] policy on accommodating overweight passengers. I can understand if your policy is not to discriminate against obese passengers by requiring them to purchase multiple tickets in order to accommodate their size. The question is who is going to offset that cost? If you as a company are not going to charge overweight people for an extra seat, then you should be willing to offset the cost for that extra seat. Instead, it seems that you as a company are content to allow me (or other passengers) to offset the cost by sharing my (our) seat. This is not right and I do not feel like I should have to pay for it.

I am not a nasty person, nor am I an opportunist looking for a chance to get ahead at your expense. But I do believe that I should not be responsible for a seat that I had to share with another passenger. You had an opportunity to make things right, and you missed the mark. Please try again.

I've got one more letter brewing if I don't get my way. It's the one where I DO get nasty and inform them that I work for a television station. Stay tuned.