Out of the Blue...

I was hanging up some coats in the coat closet when Kyra found me in the hallway. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Sweetie?"

"This grape looks like Rex's pee-pee."

Alrighty then. Thanks for sharing.

Show and Tell

You would think that today was Christmas, Birthday, Halloween, Easter, the 4th of July and Kasmir Pulaski day all rolled into one, but it's not. It's simply Kyra's kindergarten Show and Tell day.

Each school day for the past month, one classmate has been scheduled for Show and Tell. Kyra, by luck of the draw, was in the last group to go. So for the past month, we've heard nothing but questions about how much longer until Show and Tell. I am SO THANKFUL that it was today.

She's also been adamant about what she wanted to Show and Tell: Grammy and Papa's six month-old Golden Retriever puppy, Rex. Bad idea. Rex, while placid as a small pup, has quickly grown into a 60-70 pound spaz-dog, with his body swiftly outgrowing his age. He has very little control over his gargantuan body, and when it gets truckin' in one direction, it's hard to stop. He even has little control when he sits perfectly still. On a couple of occasions, we've witnessed him sitting in the middle of the living room floor when, suddenly and inexplicably, he tumbled over backwards as though caught offguard by a stiff breeze. Hilarious. When Diane and I go to visit, it takes him a solid half-hour to calm down, then he's fine. I think he's going to be a great dog when he gets a little older, but for now he's out of control, even with the snippity-snip of canine sterilization. I can't imagine the carnage of a roomful of kindergarteners he'd leave in his path, even with an adult trying to hold him down. Kindergarten chaos would ensue as 5-6 year-olds scurry over one another looking for cover. Not a pretty sight.

I thought we were going to have quite a time trying to talk Kyra out of taking Rex to Show and Tell, but we didn't. I think she knows and understands how spastic he can get, and though she pouted for a couple of minutes, she conceded. She opted instead to take a Barbie fashion head, where you can style her hair and apply makeup...you know, one of those messy toys I haven't seen her play with since Christmas that clogs up her closet until we give it away to Goodwill. Good to see it's been rediscovered and is getting some use.

I loaded the head in a black and yellow "Wheel of Fortune" duffle bag that I got from work and we headed off to school. (It's really morbid when you think about it...a head in a duffle bag? Oops. I'm just glad we didn't get pulled over on the way to school.) When I drop her off, I like to watch her walk in just to see what she does. She usually meanders to her classroom, distracted by butterflies or bugs, stuff on the ground, or other kids on their way to school. Today, though, she was focused and walked briskly with a purpose: she needed to get to her classroom and hide the Wheel of Fortune duffle before her classmates arrived. She wanted her Show and Tell to be a surprise, even though no one knew what was inside the duffle. She cracks me up.

It was one of those moments where she was so excited and proud that I couldn't help but be excited for her and proud of her as well. I laughed to myself as she faded from sight and I drove away. I can't wait to hear about how it went.

A Retraction

Decrees are stupid. I mean, seriously, who makes them anymore. And besides, if I have the power to issue a decree, certainly I retain the power to rescind it. I don't even think that a decree is binding if issued while under the influence...of body paint fumes. Not to mention the fact that the Bears didn't play well enough for me to actually carry it through. And this morning I noticed that the pesky eyebrow hair has returned. So decree over. Now hand me those tweezers and my razor...and the nose-hair trimmers.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!

Kickoff for Super Bowl XLI is less that two hours away, and we're getting ready to head over to the in-laws for the big game. GO BEARS!!

Before we go, though, I feel compelled to issue a decree: that not a hair shall be shorn from my body until the Chicago Bears win a Super Bowl. That's right...no razor shall touch my face, back or ears (entering mid-life sucks); no shear shall cut my hair; not even shall that pesky left eyebrow hair that pops out of nowhere every couple of months shall be plucked until the Bears win a title. Plush forests of hair shall be allowed to grow freely across head, face, ears, back, chest, stomach, legs, buttocks, and...um...other places, until the Lombardi trophy finds its home in Chicago...

...or until the Cubs win the Series.

Could the End Be Near?

No, I'm not talking about the end of the world, although, given the current state of world affairs, it's not out of the realm of possibility. I'm talking about my month-long tug-of-war with American Airlines. I know, I know...believe me, I'm tired of the whole ordeal as well. But I may finally be getting somewhere with these people, and my tenacity may soon pay off. I received their fifth response yesterday afternoon, by far their most informative and contrite response yet. Why they couldn't start here remains a mystery:

"I'm sorry that you've had to send us 6 separate occasions about the same issue. Nevertheless, I'm glad you've given us another chance to try to provide you with a satisfactory answer to your inquiry.

There is an element of sensitivity to the issue at hand. Here is our policy -- regarding the physicality of occupying the seat, if a passenger "spills" over into another passenger's seat, the flight attendant and/or gate personnel should address the situation. At that time, we can require an obese/oversize passenger to purchase a first class seat or two main cabin seats, or deny their accommodation on that flight.

Again, however, each situation is assessed on an individual basis. I'm sorry that this situation was not handled to your satisfaction at the time of the event. While we can't change what happened, I've alerted our Vice President of Flight Service.

Our flight service staff will be reminded of the importance of being aware of such situations and to do their best to resolve it.

In another attempt to make amends, I've sent you an additional transportation voucher. Please use the vouchers to travel with us again soon."

So basically the check is in the mail. I'll have to wait and see if the vouchers are worth it. Hopefully, they will at least cover a trip to Chicago, and if they don't, I'll just eat it because I'm tired. I've said all that I can say to them. If they don't get it now, they never will. Why is it that I had to be a complete jerk in order to get them to listen to me? I hate that.

I have one thing left to do. I have written a letter to American Airlines CEO and President, Gerard J. Arpey, that now needs to be revised due to the recent response from Customer Relations. I think his "Customer Relations" department needs a little bit of a shakedown.


Related Links:
I Am Not a Happy Camper
A REALLY Unhappy Camper
American Airlines...Doing What They Do Best...Irritate Customers