Thursday, November 01, 2007

Obligatory Halloween Wrap-Up

Halloween has come and gone for another year, and for the most part, the girls came through it unscathed. Both came home with a butt-load of candy. What exact measurement a "butt-load" is, I'm not sure, but suffice it to say, it's a lot.

First of all, I have some clearing up to do. No, Kyra did not go trick-or-treating as a hooker. She was Hannah Montana, and for the second straight year, no one knew who the hell she was supposed to be. Last year Kyra dressed up as Princess Leia, minus the most important part of the costume, the cinnamon-roll side-bun wig. As a result, everyone thought she was an angel. This year we insisted she wear the Hannah Montana wig, primarily because she conned us into ponying up an extra $15 with the promise she would wear the cockamamie thing. She tried to back out of her promise an hour before showtime, but relented when we told her she needed to reimburse us $15 for the wig. Greed sometimes IS good.

Wig or no wig seemed to produce the same stymieing results. Each door that opened to her found the occupant asking the question, "Oh my, and who are YOU supposed to be?" I SO wanted to prompt Kyra to reply, "I'm a hooker," just to see their reaction, but I restrained myself. Instead, we tried to get her to say "Britney Spears", but she wouldn't bite. She just patiently replied, "I'm Hannah Montana," as she received her treats. One elderly woman asked her where she lived, to which Kyra promptly recited her address by rote: "I live at 123 N. Calle Street." Yeah. We need to tell her NOT to do that. But since this time it was only a little old lady, we got a nice chuckle out of it.

Kailey was a hooker for Halloween this year. Kidding. She finally conceded to being a "Vampiress" when she tired of correcting people by identifying herself as a "Vampire", a role, as you can see,that she took VERY seriously. She had fangs to go along with the costume, but she didn't want to mess up her lipstick. Her logic was a little more reasonable than the "I hate wigs" crap that Kyra was trying to pull, so we let it go.

Kailey spent the first half of the night running from house to house, like she was afraid they'd run out of candy or something. "What's the hurry?" I asked her.

"No hurry. I just like to run!" By the end of the night she was dragging her butt up people's driveways looking like she'd collapse at a moment's notice.

The girls made it home with quite the load, but they clearly need some instruction in the way of their post trick-or-treating routine. When we were kids, all the candy was promptly dumped on the living room floor and sorted into the "score" pile and the "suck" pile, which included candy corn and that horrible "taffy" candy that comes in the black and orange wrappers. Then we would gorge ourselves on the "score" candy until we puked. Ah, the good ol' days. In contrast, the girls set their pumpkins on the kitchen table then asked for a piece of the pumpkin pie that their Grammy brought over for dessert. No knock against Grammy's pumpkin pie, but this is frickin' Halloween! At least make an attempt to feign a little interest in the haul you just made! That explains why we'll still have leftover Halloween candy next October.


WilyHacker said...

I like having two bowls of candy at my disposal. One bowl has all the good stuff for those that have costumes. The other bowl contains candy like that orange and black junk, last years leftovers, etc. for those that think a hoody and a pillow case is all that is required

the battered ham said...

That's a great idea. I had many of those teens visit the house this year. Although a teen also had my favorite costume of the night. I first noticed that he was wearing his tidy-whities on the OUTSIDE of his sweatpants. Then when I saw his mask, I realized that he was a superhero (I'm quick that way). He had a handwritten "Q" on his T-shirt. I told him that I liked his costume, which looked familiar, though I couldn't place it. He gave me a couple of hints and then finally told me that he was Quail Man from the long-defunct 90's cartoon, "Doug", which I vaguely remembered.